Move Over Nostradamus

Private Property South Africa
Shaun Wewege

We’ve reached that point in the year where writers all seem to do one of two things: write open letters; or write about what they hope to see in the next 365 days. I am too lazy to write an open letter. Perhaps “lazy” is not quite the right term but I certainly feel that they are not worth their word count. So much anger, frustration, pontificating and denouncing goes into them, yet in a week’s time someone else will protest another issue, and we all forget about last week’s reason to moan.

Instead, I thought I’d share my views on how 2014 will shape up. Like the average analyst one sees on popular news programs, I prefer to make predictions based on little reason or evidence.


Televisions will get bigger and home entertainment systems will see a massive increase in their power output. It’s probably overkill. Why would you want to watch soap operas in HD with crystal clear sound?


In a high-paced business environment it is important to get a head start on your competitors. Expect to see Christmas trees in-store in August, back-to-school ads before the term has ended and prompts to buy chocolate bunnies a few days after after Valentine’s Day (which most stores will start advertising shortly after the previous year’s Halloween).


More people will choose happiness over money and attempt to work freelance or run small businesses from home. Banks, however, will always choose money and feel nothing to evict you should freelancing not work out.


Dieticians, doctors and just about everyone who produces a food or supplement will continue to argue over whether or not carbohydrates are in fact the devil’s food. Observers, such as the writer, will gleefully watch this debate while eating butter drenched, salted pop-corn.


I am fairly certain that 2014 will see a boom of mega developments where every last tree, bush and blade of grass will be ripped up so that homes with a Tuscan design motif can be built. These will be called “nature estates” once a few palm trees are planted.


In an ironic twist of fate, Number 1, upon deciding that his homestead in KwaZulu-Natal is more of a bachelor pad than family home, will struggle to sell his property. An inane law preventing national key points from being photographed will halt Number 1’s plan to upload images of his home on to the Private Property website.


After a chance meeting at a luxurious golf estate, Jackie Selebi, Schabir Shaik and Radovan Krejcir decide they have a great deal in common and decide to form a rock band called “Laughing at the state”. Their first single, “Abusing the system,” will go to number one on the charts.

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