Finding the perfect property to rent can be a lot like playing minesweeper – just when you’re convinced that you’re aware of all the pitfalls, you stumble right into another one. When looking at some advertisements in newspapers and on property websites, be aware that those delightful phrases and strategically placed “on show” signs might have been chosen to guide you to a landmine! This dictionary will help you understand what those “euphemisms” in the property to rent section might really mean: Brand new – You will be taking care of Mr Investment’s bond payments on his behalf. Close to all amenities – If you do not have a husband or wife, kids, a parrot and a dog… avoid! DSTV included –The landlord prefers to watch the history channel. This preference is also applicable to Saturday afternoons. Easy access to main routes – No matter which radio station you fancy, you will have to get use to the background traffic noises. Excluding water and electricity – If you want to take a daily shower you can pay for it yourself. Laundry service offered – The only time you will find an unoccupied washing machine will be between 10 p.m. and 4 a.m. on weekdays. Lovely garden – If you do not have green fingers yet, paint them. Alternatively an exclusive gardening service is available on request. Must love animals – You will start your day by chasing after Chester who sneaked out while you opened the gate. Safe environment – Since everyone in the neighbourhood was already a victim of crime the likelihood of another incident is very small. Walking distance to the mall – The entrance to your house will usually be blocked by shopaholics who want to avoid parking fees. Quiet suburb – Your closest neighbour is about 15 kilometres down the road. Should you experience a robbery, make sure your car and cell phone are the last items they take. While not everyone is out to get you, you can improve your chances of finding a property to rent and a trustworthy landlord by visiting a reliable estate agent or property website!